December Is Over-y

Today marked 28 days. 4 weeks.. 2 in Heaven and 2 in Hell and the egg that made its course through the entire ordeal has finally let go. I have never hurt so bad in my life. Or at least I don't remember ever hurting so bad, but actually I don't really recall any physical pain. They say that chronic pain is the body's nervous system experiencing a sort of 'stuck' memory of that pain that just keeps playing over and over again. What is it called when one experiences the opposite of chronic pain where one doesn't remember pain at all? I'm glad to not remember pain but I want to know which sort of 'memory' is more prevalent. I knew that when my body would finally release this it would hurt, bad. December was too beautiful, too euphoric and fast to not come crashing down and drowning in a mixture of concrete and black oil that would all set fire to itself and explode-ringing in the New Year with the most intense catastrophe and upheaval I've seen in the past few years. It's weird to think about the egg that made its course during all of it, the idea of an unfertilized prospect of New Life full of possibility. December. The snow, Emily's visit, finding my soul again, running with increased stamina, butterflies, dreams, meeting people and rekindling old friendships, the connections. December was a month of connections. I could feel my neurons passing tiny bits of electricity in my brain, tickling the corners that had lay dormant for so long. I could hear the laughter, the ching ching of glasses like a child, awake in bed listening to the sounds of a party downstairs. I was inspired and looking back, I don't know exactly what it was that set my world on fire and aglow- that brought change. Maybe I know. But it was December it came too fast. The flames got out of control and only ceased by being drenched in the thousands of tears soaked up by tissues and Egyptian cotton pillows. And I envision this egg and how much it carried in its course through my womb and now it leaves with so much pain, the pulsing, throbbing sort of pain that comes and goes in waves and cotton, once again, soaks all of it up.