Lately by Memoryhouse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJStWiqSOpU

I love this. I hate this.

It's scenes like these that make dreamers like me yearn and wonder and perfectly dissatisfied with reality.

South Beach Diet

This is day 2 of my South Beach Diet experience. Phase 1 is two weeks of just lean proteins, vegetables, olive oil, nuts and low-fat cheeses. My brother just finished his 2 weeks and he's lost 10 pounds. I need to do something to feel better. I noticed that while running at the gym today I definitely sweat more than usual. I felt like my body had been 'turned on' metabolically. I was also more tired and I felt sort of slower even though I'm consuming a lot of calories, the lack of carbohydrates definitely evens out energy levels. At work I was super nauseous and hot.. it felt like detoxing. Seriously.

Let this be a year of

Exercise, Hot Peppers and Sex

December Is Over-y

Today marked 28 days. 4 weeks.. 2 in Heaven and 2 in Hell and the egg that made its course through the entire ordeal has finally let go. I have never hurt so bad in my life. Or at least I don't remember ever hurting so bad, but actually I don't really recall any physical pain. They say that chronic pain is the body's nervous system experiencing a sort of 'stuck' memory of that pain that just keeps playing over and over again. What is it called when one experiences the opposite of chronic pain where one doesn't remember pain at all? I'm glad to not remember pain but I want to know which sort of 'memory' is more prevalent. I knew that when my body would finally release this it would hurt, bad. December was too beautiful, too euphoric and fast to not come crashing down and drowning in a mixture of concrete and black oil that would all set fire to itself and explode-ringing in the New Year with the most intense catastrophe and upheaval I've seen in the past few years. It's weird to think about the egg that made its course during all of it, the idea of an unfertilized prospect of New Life full of possibility. December. The snow, Emily's visit, finding my soul again, running with increased stamina, butterflies, dreams, meeting people and rekindling old friendships, the connections. December was a month of connections. I could feel my neurons passing tiny bits of electricity in my brain, tickling the corners that had lay dormant for so long. I could hear the laughter, the ching ching of glasses like a child, awake in bed listening to the sounds of a party downstairs. I was inspired and looking back, I don't know exactly what it was that set my world on fire and aglow- that brought change. Maybe I know. But it was December it came too fast. The flames got out of control and only ceased by being drenched in the thousands of tears soaked up by tissues and Egyptian cotton pillows. And I envision this egg and how much it carried in its course through my womb and now it leaves with so much pain, the pulsing, throbbing sort of pain that comes and goes in waves and cotton, once again, soaks all of it up.

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

There is nothing better than getting rid of what you don't need and polishing what you do. Every "thing" that I have around me has memories, feelings and energy attached to it in some way. Look around you. Every object in your peripheral has something either good or bad or possibly a little bit of both attached to it. Are you using this object? Does it make you feel good about your life or your circumstances when you see it? Are you saving it for someone who won't need it and won't have the same feelings for it the way that you do? I used to save empty wine bottles that held some sort of memory or maybe were from an occasion that I was afraid of forgetting. Honestly, now I realize the only reason I was saving those bottles was because I hadn't let go of that moment. The minutes and hours that we love and hate will all fade. The good feelings will be replaced and the bad feelings will someday disappear and will be meshed into that collective memory, but me keeping that wine bottle from that dinner five years at a time when I loved someone in a way very different than might be the way, now isn't going to bring it back. Nothing will be resurrected, just recalled. Make room for change. You won't take it with you and when you're dead someone else is going to have to spend hours sifting through it all.